The World In Front of Me

Just this past week, I had my first opportunity to watch the two of my kids…. At the same time, that is. I have watched my two-year-old plenty of times by herself. Play, eat, sleep, then the cycle repeats until it’s a new day. Now adding my less-than-3-month-old son into the mix is quite a big deal for me. Not only was I doing my normal routine with my daughter, but I now also had to weave him into this as well. Not to mention the crying that comes from both children in times of distress.

Now my daughter, being two, means she has a certain level of independence, and I must listen to that or else. So, when Dad says no, the waterworks turn on full force. No tears are spared, the snot runs from the nose, and she is down for the count on the floor. It takes a great length of time before she decides to move on from her life-shattering ordeal, or she eventually gets her way, because I simply don’t know what to do anymore.

With my 3-month-old, it is a little different. When he cries, there are only a few reasons why. He might be hungry, tired, unwell, or in need of a diaper change. It is much simpler to calm him and find the reason for his disturbance. Usually, after I begin to take care of the need, he soothes very quickly.

Now when I watch the two of them, I struggle in a new way. I knew my daughter was more self-sufficient, but she still wanted her playtime with me. While I normally engage in play time, I was unable to because my son was struggling with an upset stomach. The hardest thing for me to relieve him of. It goes without saying, but my night was filled with my attention being pulled in two different ways, and I was stressed out big time.

So how does this relate to addiction and recovery? Well, it does in more than one way.

1^st. When we start working on recovery, we begin to see the ins and outs of this lifestyle. There are adjustments, there is accountability, and there is more at stake because we have stopped being idle. When being a dad to my daughter, I’ve had to learn her and her behaviors.

2^nd. There are not only our current behaviors, but now there are new ones we must learn. We are taught new patterns in ourselves, and what those mean.

3^rd. We get stressed in life. Whether it is from active addiction or the pressure of holding onto our lifestyle of recovery. Even just life, and we must continue to figure it out.

               Now, you may not have kids, but you do have responsibilities. At different times, these responsibilities will require your attention and often, at the same time. The key to surviving this is to learn your behavior. Learn what makes you mad, sad, happy, relaxed, and learn what makes you stressed.

To beat an enemy, you must know them. So maybe, just maybe, to live sober, we must know ourselves.

 Take time to reflect on those moments where strength doesn’t seem to be present, and certainly reflect on the moments it is. God will show us what we can and cannot handle.

Gaven F.

A grateful believer in Jesus Christ.